COUNT TO TEN (Copyright 2000, All Rights Reserved)
by M.L.Walker

SHE THOUGHT UPON the things she wished she could have done differently, and they flickered past clearly. So many wrong decisions, and hindsight rendered them all in exacting focus.

1.) Her first regret was having thrown that toy bowling pin at her mother when she was a child. Though she was only three years old when it happened, and she remembered it as having been unintentional, the image of her mother nursing a black eye that she'd created bothered her to the present day. Overall, she wished she'd been emotionally gentler with her mother, and the rest of her family too.

2.) Her second regret was not having paid attention in church. All of the prayers and hymns and liturgies that had come her way, but even now words of gratitude or pleas for help tumbled awkwardly from her mouth. She was not the Christian she should have been, and she had no one to blame for this but herself.

3.) Her third regret was having bullied that poor girl Edwina Welch back in the sixth grade. This had culminated in the two getting locked in a fight that saw Edwina chipping a front tooth. At the time, this meant nothing to her; she never saw Edwina again after that year. But over time she wondered how it had affected the other girl. Did she ever get it fixed? (Were her parents able to afford to?) Did boys make fun of her? Had it affected her self-esteem? She'd meant to investigate what happened to Edwina, but never got around to it. From time to time this actually made her sad.

4.) Her fourth regret was not having read more books. She always meant to carve away the time to do so, and wished she could be smarter. She believed she'd allowed herself to be undereducated, and was afraid this was the perception others had of her as well. By extension, she regretted having wasted so much time on television, and similar things.

5.) Her fifth regret was not staying in touch with more people from college. There were a few she still talked to on occasion, but over time she'd pretty much lost track of all of them. Four years of sweat, blood, tears and keggers, and there wasn't very much left to show for it. She'd always felt that the people had been the best part of the experience. And now that was only a memory.

6.) Her sixth regret was not learning how to drive a stick shift. Stupid, but it was a goal.

7.) Her seventh regret was not accepting that marriage proposal from Cecil Stroller. Or at least continuing to see him. He'd been so sweet and kind, and what she'd considered passive weakness on his part then now seemed, years later, more like a quiet, resilient kind of strength. That had been lost upon her before years of dating far less mature men brought the fact home. She might have eventually come to appreciate his solid nature. Last she'd heard, Cecil had gotten married and was the father of twins.

8.) Her eighth regret, conversely, was not having opted to indulge in a few more one-night stands. Fear of being found out, or being considered a slut, not to mention old-fashioned guilt, had kept her from several possible encounters that, yeah, she now wished she'd taken advantage of. To Hell with what anyone else thought, they would have been fun!

9.) Her ninth regret was never having traveled abroad. She'd been to different states, and even up to Canada three times, but the thought of being on a plane for hours on end, over vast expanses of ocean, had always made her a little nervous. Still, London had always topped her list of places to see.

10.) Her last regret was allowing herself to be set up on that blind date with the lawyer her best friend had told her about. The one with the wicked smile. The one who had helped her resolve that ongoing business with the traffic cop who'd claimed she'd cursed at him openly for giving her a ticket, when she'd really only done so to herself under her breath. The one who showed her legal loopholes to use to make her landlord jump to attention when there was a problem. The one who'd handled the changes in her will, following both her promotion at work, and her inheritance from her rich grandfather's estate.

The one who'd wined and dined and bedded her with seductive charm. The one with that hobby she never, ever thought she'd get used to, let alone find herself getting talked into trying herself. The one who'd coaxed her onto the plane. The one who'd packed her parachute, and had instructed her to count to ten before pulling the ripcord.

The one who was now hovering some 1,500-odd feet above her, probably smiling that wicked smile and watching her descend rapidly to the ground. The one who she would stand waiting for, impatiently, on the other side…


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