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· Below is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was featured in a local South Carolina newspaper and Jay Leno also confirmed it on the Tonight Show: There was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding. After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "FUCK YOU". He then turned to the bride and said, "FUCK YOU", and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm out of here." He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. His revenge: Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of all of their friends, their entire families, i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.
This guy has balls the
size of church bells!!! |
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Tales of the Weird After a week of a woman not reporting to work or answering her phone, friends called the local police to enter the woman's house. The police found the woman dead in her bathroom of an apparent head injury. It looked as though she either slipped or fell and hit her head on the toilet. Upon examination of the scene, the coroner noticed small insect-like animals crawling around the body. The police also found the toilet filled with these animals. Confused, the police started an investigation and searched the house. In the woman's VCR was a pornographic tape. The tape contained scenes of people having sex in bizarre and unusual circumstances. The scene that the woman had just finished watching showed a woman who had taken a live lobster and inserted the animals tail into her vagina. Her partner then proceeded to take a butane lighter and burn the lobsters head, making the lobster's tail contort and flail inside the woman's vagina. Upon further search of the woman's house, the police found a dead lobster in the woman's trash can. They sent the lobster to a lab and tested it for samples of the woman vaginal fluid on the tail - which they found. After an autopsy of the woman, the pieces of the puzzle fit together. Apparently lobster will eat Brine shrimp eggs whole when they live in the sea. When the woman placed the tail of the lobster in her vagina and lit its head on fire, the convulsions of the tail forced whole brine shrimp eggs into the woman. Days after the sexual episode the woman's menstrual cycle began. The blood was enough nutrition for the eggs to hatch and feed off of. Once they grew, they needed to escape. The coroner stated that the woman probably felt as if she was going to have extreme diarrhea when she went to the bathroom. When she rose from the toilet and looked inside, the shock of what just came out of her body was enough to make her faint, fall and hit her head on the toilet. - Believe it? The morale of the story - never stick a snatch up your snatch!! |
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· RED LOBSTER
all you can eat SHRIMP This Appeared in the
LA Times (honest) One morning around 5am Susan DaLucci of Kittery,Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out of the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise she had ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeNucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bathrobe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg, which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile of the bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke, what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms.DeNucci's official death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by medical police that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fishmarket. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face, causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeNucci's DNA were found on the lobster, along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves between the lobster's tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms.DeNucci when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms.DeNucci was only four days away from getting her period; doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Overnight the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet. |
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